


A Friend in Need

by dieFabuliererin



Series: After the day's done and the mission's over [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, CT-6116 | Kix Needs A Hug, Clones, Death, Fear of Death, Kix is a good friend, Kix is a good medic, Medic - Freeform, Post-A Friend In Need
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:07:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27200870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dieFabuliererin/pseuds/dieFabuliererin
Summary: "How much-" she cuts herself off to clear her throat, centring herself before she starts again, "How much does it hurt to be stabbed in the back with a Darksaber?"The question catches him off guard, making him blink, "Pardon, sir?"[Or: Kix has to teach Ahsoka about a thing called death]
Series: After the day's done and the mission's over [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1986985
Comments: 3
Kudos: 65
Collections: (aftermath of missions), Ahsoka Tano Fanfiction





	A Friend in Need

"Inhale."

Ahsoka does, following the medic's instruction without complaint.

Everything sounds normal.

Kix grunts, shifting the resonator to the front of her ribcage where the worst of the bruising is, "And exhale."

No abnormalities there either.

"You're clear, Commander." He says eventually, swinging the stethoscope back around his neck, "Just a fractured rib, nothing more."

"I could've told you that, Kix," she says, forcing a tight smile, "Anakin's just worrying."

He shrugs, snapping on a pair of gloves before unscrewing a tube of bacta, "I would worry too if one of our men faced off with the Death Watch."

She goes quiet as he smears the miracle healer over the dark bruise where a suspension cable was wrapped around her middle during her fight with the Mandalorian terrorists.

Thankfully, that's the worst of her injuries.

"All done," he says when he finishes, giving her the okay to pull her shirt back down. "I'll get a prescription of painkillers for you."

"Thanks," her smile is slightly more genuine as she straightens her shirt.

"I don't want you sparring for the next week or so." He tells her, leaving no room for argument, "Try to sleep on your back instead of your side or stomach."

He comes back with a bottle of pills. Not too strong, but good enough to take the edge of the pain off. He's fractured ribs before, and the first few days can be agonising. He prays she'll listen to his orders and not get herself hurt _more_.

"Take as needed- no more than four within twenty-four hours," he says, passing her the bottle. She's old enough now that Skywalker doesn't have to give permission for her to take medicine.

She takes the bottle, "Got it."

He turns away to fill out the necessary forms- “Kix?"

He halts in his tracks, looking back at her, "Yes, Commander?"

She seems to be completing her question. Kix doesn't press, he just moves to stand in front of her again and then waits.

"How much-" she cuts herself off to clear her throat, centring herself before she starts again, "How much does it hurt to be stabbed in the back with a Darksaber?"

The question catches him off guard, making him blink, "Pardon, sir?"

"A Darksaber- through the back," she repeats as if she's asking a casual question about the weather, "How much would that hurt?"

Kriff, she's serious.

"Well," he subconsciously lifts a hand to his chin, "I don't think many people survive lightsaber attacks that pierce their torso or chest area, but I don't know about Darksabers."

"She didn't survive." He snaps his head to look at Ahsoka. "She died about thirty seconds later, give or take."

This has something to do with her encounter with the Death Watch.

Kix hasn't read the mission report, and he doesn't have access to it either. When Skywalker sent Ahsoka to the medbay for an examination, all he said was that she was a prisoner to the Death Watch. She told the medic about the bruises on her wrists and ribs, but that was as much information as he got.

Now, she’s disclosed that she witnessed a female being killed by a Darksaber.

Force, what else happened on Carlac? He’s afraid to ask.

The medic within him starts to contemplate her question, beating the caretaker side to him which wants to wrap Ahsoka in a blanket and give her some sleeping meds.

"To put it lightly," there's no way this is going to come out lightly, "I've heard that lightsabers burn hot, and Darksabers burn cold."

Her eyes widen slightly, and Kix wonders if he's said more than he should.

For all Ahsoka is a competent Commander and experienced soldiers, she's still a Padawan- a _kid_ , really. 

What does he even know about Darksabers? They're a Mandalorian weapon- he thinks- but that's the extent of his knowledge. It was just a rumour that they burned cold- he can't back that up with any credible sources.

"Do you want me to look into it?" He asks quietly, hoping she refuses.

Instead, she almost looks relieved, "Would you, Kix? I know you're busy-"

"If it'll put your mind at ease, Commander, then I'll be happy to."

She gives him a real smile, "I would really appreciate that."

"Why are you so intrigued anyways?" He asks, his curiosity getting the better of him. 

Obviously, Ahsoka witnessed a death caused by a Darksaber, and whilst the weapon is unusual and uncommon, any object can cause death if it's thrown hard enough.

What's so important about this Darksaber?

She lowers her eyes, "The girl who was killed-" _a girl?_ "-I just want to know what she felt in her last moments. I want to know how much it hurt."

Kix takes a long look at Ahsoka, her words echoing through his skull.

_I want to know how much it hurt._

No death caused by a sword can be pleasant, especially when that sword is made of super-heated plasma.

“Can I ask _why_ she was killed?”

Ahsoka sighs, a dullness in her eyes, “The Death Watch took over a local village on Carlac and took the _women_ -“ her eyes flash dangerously “-to be their slaves.”

“She was a slave.” Kix murmurs. He doesn’t want to ask for the girl’s name- that’ll make it too real.

“Not when she died.” Ahsoka pulls her knee up to her chest, wincing slightly as the position hurts her fractured rib, “The Death Watch threw her back to her people, and then Pre Vizsla killed her.”

Kix starts chewing his lip, “What happened then?”

He knows he has no authority to be asking about the mission, but he isn’t asking her as a medic or clone. He’s asking as a friend- she obviously needs to get this off her chest.

“The village went up in flames, I started fighting the Death Watch and got captured…” she shrugs as if she wasn’t putting her life at severe risk by revealing herself as a Jedi to a group of Jedi-murderers.

“Pre Vizsla said that you should never let the weak tell you what to do.”

“That’s why he killed her,” Kix says, his voice almost a whisper despite them being in a private examination room, “to prove a point about power?”

“I guess.” She huffs a humorous laugh, “Just like every other bastard in the galaxy.”

* * *

After the mission, he finds her in the mess.

At 0300.

He sits opposite her in the deserted room, pushing a cup of caf her way.

“Thanks,” she says absentmindedly, taking a swig without looking at him.

“Good job on the mission, sir.”

Her lips quip upwards in a smile, but the praise otherwise goes unnoticed.

He knows what’s on her mind.

“I did some reading about Darksabers.”

At last, her dulled eyes lift. “You did?”

“You made me curious.” He crosses his arms and leans on the table. “Did you know that the Darksaber was created by the first Mandalorian to be inducted into the Jedi Order?”

“Really?” She huffs, “That’s ironic given their beliefs about the Jedi.”

He smiles at her snippy remark before going serious again. “My research also told me that a Darksaber burns a thousand degrees cooler than a lightsaber.”

“You told me it was a cold burn.”

“That’s what I have been _told_ ,” he corrects her, “but when I looked into the data myself, scouring through medical reports from centuries ago and different articles translated several times before being published in Basic-”

“What’s your point?” She asks, a hint of amusement on her face.

“The data’s trash,” he says flatly, “but it seems that Darksaber injuries don’t burn at all- not even a cold burn. The pictures I saw looked like the scarring is minimal too-”

“ _Pictures_?” She repeats, looking astounded.

“Would you like to see them?”

“Absolutely not.”

He nearly smiles. Ahsoka’s name joins a few clones on a list in the medbay office which species which soldiers need to be sat down during medical treatment- _especially_ if it involves blood- due to their tendency to faint. She goes a little pale now.

“So, what _did_ Tryla feel?” She asks.

Tryla- that must be the girl who was killed by the Darksaber.

“A bit of the shock when the sword hit her, no doubt.” He shrugs, trying to pretend he isn’t talking about death so explicitly. “If it didn’t kill her instantly, but still quickly, then it must have hit her lungs- are you alright?”

Ahsoka nods, even though she’s started chewing on her fingernails.

“Are you sure?” He won’t continue if she doesn’t want him to.

“I need to hear this, Kix.” She says, moving her hands down to her side, shuffling to sit on them. “I need to know what happened to her.”

_I want to know how much it hurt._

_I need to know what happened to her._

Her _want_ has become a _need_.

“Did she fall?” He asks.

“Her grandfather held her up, and then I helped lay her down.”

Kix nods, pushing aside his anger that his teenage Commander had to get involved in something that the 501st medics have always tried to shield from her, “The pain would’ve ceased a little when she was on the ground.”

“It was _so_ cold on the ground.” Ahsoka shudders, her arms wrapping around herself as if it were freezing inside the mess.

“Ever heard of homeostasis?”

She cocks her head to one side, “Isn’t that when you’re attracted to someone of the same sex?”

This time, he can’t help a smile from growing on his lips, “That’s homosexuality.”

The chevrons on her lekku darken in a blush, “Oh.”

“Homeostasis is how the body regulates its temperature.” He frowns, “It’s probably not the same for every specie, but generally, when the body realises it’s dying, it shuts down this process. I doubt Tryla knew how cold the ground was.”

“I was holding her,” Ahsoka uncurls enough to look at her palms, “Could she feel me?”

“The sensation of touch tends to hold out the longest compared to taste, smell, etc.” He says, “She probably could’ve felt you, just not well enough to notice your higher body temperature compared to other humanoid species.”

She’s quiet for a few moments as she processes this. Ahsoka isn’t the first person to approach Kix with the question, ‘what is it like to die’, and she won’t be the last. It takes his brothers a good few weeks to get their heads around what could happen to them at any given second on the battlefield.

“She was breathing really hard.” Ahsoka says eventually.

“Death rattle- probably not caused by the Darksaber wound.” He explains, “Apparently, it’s not actually too painful.”

“They sure gave it a painful-sounding name.”

He chuckles dryly, “The General said the same thing.”

Her eyes snap to this, “You’ve talked about this to Anakin?”

He offers a shrug, “Everyone has questions about death, kid.”

There have been countless times when Skywalker has asked Kix about death. He gives his General as much closure as possible- subconsciously diagnosing the Jedi Knight with thanatophobia- an unhealthy fear of death, especially the deaths of loved ones.

Ahsoka goes quiet again, and Kix stands to get himself a cup of caf.

When he returns, Ahsoka’s finished her mug, so he passes her the one he made for himself. She needs it more than he does, even if stim addictions are a growing problem in the GAR.

“I didn’t say anything to her.” Ahsoka says after a while, “Aren’t you supposed to reassure people who are dying, or tell them that everything will be alright?”

Kix does, but that’s only because his brothers deserve better than silence as they’re lulled into a forever sleep.

“At the time, it seems like you had more important priorities.”

Ahsoka looks away sharply, “I could’ve given her a word of comfort before she died. She asked me to save her people, and all I did was ignore her.”

His lips press into a line, “Did you save her people?”

Ahsoka flinches, “As many as I could.”

He takes a deep breath, breaching a line he doesn’t usually cross. “Do you know how many times dying vod have asked me to save the others in their final breaths?”

She draws in a sharp breath, and he can feel the apology in the air before she speaks.

“That must suck.”

Not what he was expecting, but it’s better than the typical ‘I’m so sorry’.

“I’m used to it.” He says, hoping it makes him look less like a whimpering child. “It’s part of the job.”

An orange hand reaches across the table and lays over his own, “I don’t know how you do it, Kix.”

“Sometimes, I don’t either.” He glances at her, “Do you want to know anything else about…”

He trails off, unable to say the d-word despite being a medical officer who witnesses death on the daily.

She shakes her head, “I can’t go back and change anything.”

“Welcome to my life, kid.” He chuckles again, “All we can do is try harder with the next one- that’s what Coric and I say to each other.”

There are some things he doesn’t tell her about death, like how the person often has a grasp of what’s happening around them for a while.

Ahsoka doesn’t need to know that Tryla probably knew that her village was in flames.

Some things are best left unsaid.

Ahsoka’s only a kid, after all.

He intertwines their fingers, focusing on the heat of her hand and the pulse in her wrist.

In a conversation about death, he finds solace in the fact that Ahsoka’s alive.

“I wouldn’t worry about what the girl felt when she was killed, Ahsoka,” he says, dropping her title, “You were with her when she died, right? Like, when she _actually_ died?”

She nods, confused.

“Then, in those last few moments, I’m sure she wasn’t in too much pain.” He gives her a bittersweet smile, “If I had to choose someone to be with me when I die, I’d choose you, Ahsoka.”

She squeezes his hand, another reminder of how much life she has in her, “Thanks, Kix.”

**Author's Note:**

> I had to google ‘what is it like to die’ to write this- and I still made a lot of it up!


End file.
